In the well-known children’s book, The Velveteen Rabbit, there is a conversation between the Skin Horse and the Rabbit that goes like this:
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day . . .. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are REAL you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
Like the Rabbit, all of us want to feel REAL—all of us want and need to experience deep, unconditional love to feel alive—to feel real. Sadly, few of us really get to share the fullness of love—in part because we are afraid to give freely that which we want and need most—REAL LOVE. Often, because of past hurts and disappointments, we put conditions on how much love we give and limit how much love we’re open and willing to receive. We build walls around our hearts in order to protect our fragile egos—in order to escape the frightening prospect of being vulnerable. Yet, vulnerability is exactly what Real Love demands. Real Love is not superficial—it’s not conditional—it’s not a game of tit-for-tat. It doesn’t say “if you do this for me, I’ll love you more.” Real Love is not possessive or insecure—it’s not self-seeking or selfish. Our flaws and imperfections do not limit Real Love—Real Love happens in spite of them! Why are we so afraid of loving each other in a real, unconditional way? Is it fear of being hurt again? Or, is it the weight of all the baggage we carry from past hurts—from having loved and lost? Have we become so jaded that we no longer recognize what Real Love is? Let us remind ourselves that Real Love is patient and kind. It does not envy. It does not boast—it is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking or easily angered—it keeps no record of wrong. Real Love does not delight in hurting another but rejoices with the truth—we are all worthy of Real Love!
Some people go their whole lives never completely giving or receiving all the love that’s available to them. Is that you? Have you allowed the hurts of love—the pain of feeling jipped or jilted, harden you? What will it take to penetrate the massive walls of protection you’ve built around your wounded heart? The lesson The Velveteen Rabbit teaches us is that it’s time to get “REAL” with each other—it’s time we love one another in a real way—unconditionally. Truly, our kindred mission on earth is to help each other heal from past hurts—to help each other feel Real—to help each other experience Real Love. We can all take comfort in the fact that God loves us unconditionally. But let us go deeper—let us BECOME REAL LOVE. Let us shed our fears and demonstrate the true love of God, starting with ourselves, our families and those who mean most to us. Beloved, let us love one another.
Scripture references: I Corinthians 13:1-12, Galatians 5:22-23, I John 4:16
